I'm back. With an awesome picture and tears.

I'm sorry it's been a good bit since I've posted. The days became hectic. Between kids, chores, surgery, & drill I haven't had much time. Don't worry, each day I've found something good. My memory sucks bad so I can't go back far.

Friday I filed an order of protection against my ex-husbands girlfriend or ex-girlfriend. I say that because I have no idea what she is. He told me ex yet they are still living together.... I highly doubt he's going to leave her, I just have that feeling. Usually, 90% of the time my feelings are correct. My mothers instinct is going off on high alert too. That, as all you mothers know, is always 100%. ANYWAYS, it got denied because they are not related. So, Monday I went & file a harassment restraining order against her. Found out Tuesday the judge approved it & set it to take effect immediately. I'm now waiting for it to be served to her. If it's not by tomorrow Bailey will not be going to her dads this weekend. Only makes sense. In it I put that while Bailey is at her dad's for visitation she is not to be at the residence at all. She must leave for the duration he has her, Friday-Monday. See why now I won't send her if she hasn't been served? I was able to pick that up yesterday.

Yesterday I went and picked up the CT scan of my sinuses so I could show my kids my deviated septum. My husband was like wow, that is big. I looked at it for a good 10 minutes. He couldn't understand why I was so fascinated by it. Uhm, HELLLLLOOOOO it's not every day you have this in your possession. Well, now I do haha. Ya, get what I mean.. Below is the photo showing the deviation. My cursor is at the, peak?, of it. If you follow the white line out from it (it gets faint in some areas) that is the deviation. It's really neat. Now I can breath :)

I got the worst news yesterday. My best friend since childhood's grandma hasn't been doing well. Yesterday was her 86th birthday. Yesterday was also the day she went to be with God. I am blessed to have known her. She was a beautiful, sweet, caring & wonderful person. My heart goes out to her family, who was my second family growing up.

That's not the only bad news I got. My gram isn't doing so well. I don't want to go into detail but this could be the end. Talking with my mom she said she thinks gram is giving up. She's ready. I am a mess. My whole family is in PA & I can't even be there. I want to be there so bad. I want to see my gram. I want to kiss her one last time. I want to tell her I love her. She's heavily sedated so calling will do nothing. I want her to feel my presence. I want to tell her that hero's never die. They live on forever. I want to tell her it's ok. Only God knows when it's time. I pray for her comfort & I pray God lets her know I love her, I miss her. I pray she gets better. I pray this is just a huge bump in the road. If it's not, I know she lived a long, wonderful life. I am blessed to have her as my grandmother. She will always be my g-ma that doesn't fart :) She knows.



Anyone who does anything to help a child in his life is a hero to me. -Fred Rogers

Every Little Thing, Is Gonna Be Ok

First and foremost, Bailey's dad is taking the right steps needed for the situation at hand.

This post is nothing but good stuff. It comes from months of negativity. Months with days of me thinking I was getting no where. Months with days where I wanted to give up. Many, many tears. I lost my son. I just wanted him back. I'm crying as I type this.

Liam's new medicine is slowly working. Well, I guess I could say it's helping, a lot. He's still having anger problems but it's not nearly as bad or as often. Yesterday when I gave him a snack after school & told him that was all he was getting until supper he stayed calm. He didn't throw a fit. I noticed too that he was roughhousing. Mind you, Liam is not 100% aware of his strength. He was getting a little rough. He wasn't doing it to be mean. He was playing. When Liam is mad you can see it in his eyes, in his face & his body language. He was relaxed. He was looking at me like mom, I'm playing. He said sorry more times than he ever has in a day. He was a complete brat when I was telling him to get ready because we had to take Bailey to meet up with her dad. But he wasn't fighting with me. In his eyes he was playing. In my eyes I was getting frustrated. This morning he asked he goes mom, I'm hungry, can you make breakfast. It was really early. I told him (and Gracie) to just wait. I wanted to get them breakfast a little later (8am) so they're not hungry before lunch. They said ok. Liam didn't throw a fit. Gracie kept whining & she wasn't up at 6ish like Liam was. I smiled at Liam. He smiled back showing his two top front teeth that are so loose they are crossing each other. haha He refuses to pull them or let us do it. He doesn't want them to bleed.

I'm getting my son back. My loving, funny, smiling, really goofy, not mad at the world, not getting mad at Bailey when she wants to play with him, sharing his toys, not getting mad while playing son. One day he'll be back 100%. Until then I'm counting my blessings. Praising his milestones.

I know that every thing is going to be ok.




When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.  -Franklin D. Roosevelt

I Just Don't Know

Yesterday I found out a lot of things. I found out my scrubber shipped. I found out my Gracie has a math test tomorrow & she didn't do well on the practice one. Math is her weakest subject-it was my strongest. Julia is slowly learning sign language. From personal experience this will help her speech improve a lot. Bailey, my 3 year old, also told me something shocking. Jaw dropping, dead stare, not breathing for what felt like forever, not knowing if I should cry or go on a rampage shocking.

Gracie LOVES to read. She would choose reading/language arts (that's what they call it now instead of English) over any other subject any day. They have this IXL site that they do in school & at home. It's just math & "language arts." Last night I made her sit down & do nothing but the subjects that were on the test. She hated me. I wouldn't let her do "language arts." I tried to help her with how I was taught, which is really easy. She wasn't understanding. Why? Because they do it so confusing now & add in too much unneeded steps. They also teach them in this weird way moving block tens over to ones & then counting up or down. I don't know.

Shawna came & we talked about the word's Julia has. I've been working on her with signing more, eat, drink, & all done. She looks at me crazy. Shawna starts signing more & all done. Julia signed more once & was done. She had that, you're all crazy, look on her face.

Bailey. *sigh* Without going into too much detail because this is very personal I'll try my best to explain. Right now this is between my family & her dads. To those of my family members I haven't told yet it's for a reason. Don't bombard me with questions. Bailey's dad & I were married. Clearly we divorced. She goes with him every other weekend. Sometimes 2 weekends in a row or a little longer than a few days. She loves her dad. She loves being with him. She does not like his girlfriend. Last night she told me she didn't want to go to her dads today because she was scared. She told me something about his girlfriend that a 3 year old would not be able to make up (not sexual abuse either). I reached out to her dad. A 3 year old doesn't know how to lie. 3 year old's pretend to play house & pretend to be animals. The make believe they are princesses, moms, dads, monsters, dinosaurs. They are loving & gentle. His girlfriend has never been too fond of Bailey. I was told by her dads sister that one time he walked out of the house to get something & Bailey cried like the world was ending. She thought he was leaving her there with his girlfriend. Bailey does not have separation anxiety. She tells EVERYONE hi. She waves & smiles to EVERYONE. She looks at strangers like they are friends. I can't begin to tell you how many people she has made smile & laugh. She doesn't like his girlfriend. That right there should be a red flag because she likes everyone. Last night was the icing on the cake. Her dad isn't happy. I don't like his girlfriend & he knows that. I've always had a bad feeling about her. We do not talk about her in front of Bailey, at all. This, this is something I would not make up, no matter how bad I hated her, just to get her out of the picture. I want her dad to be happy. My main concern is the safety of my child(ren) & she is toxic. For him & for Bailey. 

I need to hunt the good now because I'm going to start getting mad all over again. Gracie is great at anything she puts her mind to. I need to push her a little more when it comes to math. I know if she focuses on doing math & not about the next book she's going to read she'll do great. I know she can do it. I remind her to slow down, take your time & focus. Her mind is creative & loving. She is not a number cruncher.

Julia started signing more last night, on her own. HUGE step forward! Then she was sitting on the couch & wanted Bailey to sit with her. She kept yelling ah at her. Bailey wasn't responding. Finally she yelled BEELEY. Bailey turned around & said what? She patted the couch next to her & Bailey climbed up.

Bailey's dad didn't think I was just making stuff up. I'm a jerk but I would not sink this low. He knows that too. I don't play around about this stuff either. 

My scrubber will be here today.

My kids are alive, healthy, loved, happy & safe.

When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile. -Author Unknown

Crabby Pants

Usually in the mornings the kids all get up at the same time. Yesterday was the exception. Liam was up before my alarm went off. That's not a surprise. I had to go in & wake up Gracie & Bailey. Gracie is usually already up reading. Bailey is hit and miss; sometimes she's up, sometimes she's not. After I turn the light on & say Gracie get up it usually wakes Julia. Not yesterday morning. She was out hard. This was a good thing, at the time. I was able to get the older 3 ready for school & myself ready for the day. I got the girls on the bus. Liam has OT on Wednesday mornings so I take him to school after. Then it hit me. Crap, Julia is still sleeping. I wanted to be out the door by 8 because I wanted to stop & get a few groceries before his appointment. I rush upstairs & I have to wake her. Any parent, well most people, know you NEVER wake a sleeping baby. Great. I get her dressed & off we go. Get to the store & Liam wanted in the cart that was this car thing in place of the seat with steering wheels. It held two, I wasn't going to fight. I put them in. That was so hard to push. I ran into a few things. The kids laughed & were "driving." I kept saying turn the wheel!! Making them think they were driving. It was cute. I don't regret it. Get to the van. Julia starts throwing a fit because she doesn't want out & in her carseat. Off we go to his OT. Julia was no longer crying. She was playing with the toys & coloring with Liam. He went back with his therapist about 10 minutes after. We ended up getting there early. So much for rushing. -_- About 25 minutes in she starts getting crabby. She's mad because I won't let her play with the handicap button to open the door & I won't let her leave. With 15 minutes left the fit starts. Screaming, crying, kicking, throwing herself backwards, hitting me in the face. I tried so hard to calm her & get her focused on something else. It didn't work. Everyone was understandable. This is a pediatric therapy place we were at. Many kids with different disabilities come through there. This one lady kept staring & glaring. I'm getting mad & wanted so badly to ask what she was staring at. I have 4 kids. She's hitting the terrible twos early. I know what I'm doing, no need to look at me like I'm a stupid teenager. I know I look like I'm extremely young but I'm not. I'm praying for time to fly. Speed up. We leave, she throws fit getting in carseat, ends up falling asleep, drop Liam off, pick up Bailey, go home. Julia wakes up when I get her out. She seems happy though. No. No. No. I'm wrong. Dead wrong. She is the crabbiest crab in the world. Eat lunch, lay her down for a nap. THIS will do the trick. Nope. Dead wrong, again. Cory gets home earlier than I was expecting. THANK YOU LORD! I had been praying since after she woke up from her nap that he would get home about 5 & not close to 7/7:30.

The goodness out of all of this starts now. Daddy got home. We weren't as crabby. I got a break since she wanted him. Liam was actually playing with Bailey. That was more than good. That was great. He's usually being a brat to her. They were laughing & having a great time. My kids are alive & healthy. The stress of today won't carry over to tomorrow. There will be new stresses but not these ones. Julia stayed up later than normal. She wasn't crabby by bed time. All it took was dada.

Today she's not crabby. She's running around being goofy. Time for me to end this. Shawna (Julia's speech therapist) will be here soon.

In times of great stress or adversity, it's always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive. -Lee Iacocca

I Don't Explain Myself Enough

The heading...what? I'll explain it later on. Warning foul language (no f bombs..I don't drop f bombs).

As for this weekend...It was kind of a weird it went by so fast, everything seems like a blur & I was off by one day all weekend. Cory had work Saturday so that threw me off bad making it feel like a Friday. Saturday the kids & I watched Netflix all day. Everyone was cranky so after lunch I declared rest time. Gracie was reading in her bed, Bailey was in her crib, Liam was in his bed & Julia was in the pack & play. Time for me to relax & watch what I want to. That did not happen. No one rested. Liam wouldn't leave the girls alone because he wanted to play. He was in their room bugging Gracie & making Bailey laugh. He kept coming downstairs which kept Julia awake. I gave up. One of the times on the rare occasion Liam was upstairs & I had walked into the kitchen Julia yelled "Liam." It was clear as day! She did it three times. This is huge since she doesn't say many words. We did not expect Liam to be the first name of her siblings she'd say since the L is usually the hardest. But, Liam is said quite a lot in this house. haha That & Cory getting home right as supper was finished were the best parts of my day. They were the good stuff.

Sunday we all went grocery shopping. 2 adults, 4 kids. We have it mastered. Some trips are better than others. No matter what though the longer we are there the more antsy Liam & Bailey become. This one was different. It started not even 10 minutes in. They started fighting so I took Bailey out of the car thing on the one cart & put her in mine. Julia fell asleep, Gracie kept walking in front of me & off to the side almost walking into people. Liam had to touch e v er y t h i n g. It hasn't been this bad in a long time. Stop touching that, don't be so loud, stop taking your boots off was said a lot out of us. People were looking at us. Some were giving us dirty looks. Some like, I can't believe they are brave enough to grocery shop with 4 kids. The majority smiled at us or chuckled at Bailey who was being goofy & telling everyone hi (she does this everywhere we go). In the end we got everything we needed. We survived. And we are now up to $0.45 off a gallon of gas! I'm hoping to get that higher so one day we can get gas for like $1 or cheaper. Lol

Monday, Monday, so good to me. Monday morning, it was all I hoped it would be. Ok, maybe not. But that song popped into my head. Since Cory was off he tagged along on our adventures yesterday. I made him only because I had to take 3 reallllly heavy boxes to UPS & I didn't want to carry them (I had to return Liam's online school stuff since he won't be able to do that). Come on though, that's what he's for! He was a good sport. :) We got everything except one thing done. Finding a box big enough to send Bailey's old carset to send to my sissa & sending it. For a late lunch we stopped at Culvers. However, not to long after eating Cory & I both got sick to our stomachs. I felt like I was going to throw up & he, well lets just say he couldn't stay off the pot. :( The food was delicious though! Love eating there because the food is not greasy at all. The thought of making supper made me sick. The kids understood & had no problem eating leftovers. We also made the decision to get rid of Tito. It was a hard choice to make & the kids were upset. We just can't have him. We wanted to find a family member who would take him so the kids could still see him first. Cory's aunt & uncle in Wisconsin said they would! They have a farm & Tito (he was a farm cat) would be better as a farm cat. He just wasn't meant to be indoors. That made the kids really happy. :) And us too.


Ok, now to explain the title. Last night I was told I excessively explain myself  & thoroughly explain my life on MY facebook. Well, if I do it's because it's my facebook & I'll post whatever I want. They also said that if people are weighing me down & are that rude to tell them to get the !$%@ over it. In my posts I add what some people may comment with what would be their opinion. Not saying they will but this way they don't have to. This person also said I was bitching about people bitching. No one was bitching & if I were it'd be longer & a bit harsh. This one wasn't. If people don't like what I have to say in my posts & complain about my posts. Not including the ones that are my opinion & people can express theirs. Example should you vaccinate or not. They can comment but honestly, just keep scrolling. They also said the were going to delete me because I explain myself in my posts & she can live without seeing how wonderful of a mom I am. Well, thank you for thinking I'm a wonderful mom. I tru! However. I am I sooooooo heartbroken over this. Rolls eyes. No need to tell me, just do it. Chances are I won't realize.

Sorry so long. I need to stop waiting a few days to post lol



How would your life be different if you stopped making negative judgmental assumptions about people you encounter? Let today be the day you look for the good in everyone you meet and respect their journey. -Steve Maraboli

We are judging everything, we are learning nothing. -Steve Maraboli

By judging others we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled as we are.-Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Airport Fail :(

I'm sure I could think of a million negatives yesterday but I'll just stick to the funniest one of all.

How could something negative be funny you ask? Well, because the whole time I was hunting the good stuff! So in this post I'm not going to post the negative then the positive separately. I am going to post them together. It helps make the story make more sense first of all. Second, I want to see if yinz (get use to it, I grew up in Western PA) can figure out the positive. It should be fairly easy.

Yesterday the hubby husband flew in from Illinois. His plane was to land at 6:08pm. I wanted to get there after that so I didn't have to drive around. I was a wreck all day. I needed to get snacks & drinks for the way up. Specifically snacks that wouldn't make huge mess & wasn't junk food. I decided on the Barnum animal crackers. I couldn't avoid things that wouldn't make a mess. I also needed to clean out the van, make sure seats were in the right place & in tight. I needed to get the younger two dressed, the diaper bag packed & gas in the van. I was informed by my sister-in-law that the lady who's kids I babysit was stopping to drop off some money. I wanted to make sure I was there because then I can use that for gas. But I wanted to make sure I got on the road on time to drive to Minneapolis since my sister-in-law was so adamant that I leave really early because rush hour traffic is horrible. So I left at 4. The lady actually got there before I left so I was able to use the money for gas! I get to the gas station, fill'er up, grab a Dr. Pepper & go to pay. I swipe my BP card to find out I had 5 cents off gas. SCORE! I only paid $1.90 for gas. Hand out the snacks & drinks & off we go. The whole time I had this feeling that we left to early but I ignored it (I also checked traffic before we left. it wasn't bad but "it would get worse"). I recently as in Thursday got Bailey a 5-point harness booster seat (she was super happy to get it). Since I no longer need her carseat & my nephew does (it doesn't expire for quite some time) I called my dad. I told him if he pays for it to be shipped I'll send it out. This way I also get it out of my garage. He told me to find out how much it'll cost. We believe it will be cheaper than a new one if not close. Also since there's no rush, my nephew will last another week or two in his carrier, I don't have to do 2 day shipping. From here on out after chowing down on their snacks the fun began. Bailey was sleeping, Gracie's mouth wouldn't stop moving and making sounds. Julia was being quiet babbling here and there. Liam was sitting there with his left foot on his right knee, it looked so cute, just taking everything in & inputting on what Gracie was saying here and there. When I say Gracie wouldn't stop talking, she really wouldn't stop talking. I so badly wanted to turn the radio on. We "hit traffic" I looked at the GPS. We were set to arrive at 6:05. CRAP! I wanted to get there at 6:20 so all we had to do was pick him up. Traffic wasn't bad so I must have been "at the end or beginning of rush hour" (according to my sister-in-law when we got back) going into the city at 5:20ish. Anyone knows rush hour is worse leaving the city. But whatever, I'm stupid & know nothing about everything...or so she makes me feel. Mind you, if I was in Pittsburgh at this time it would have been worse (gives you an idea of how bad it wasn't). She said the last time she went up (she got Cory the first time he flew back) it took her 30 mins to go 10 miles. I tried to explain to her rush hour in Pitt is worse. Sometimes it take 30 mins to go 10 feet. Especially on game day. She then changed her tune to, "yeah same here." Traffic was moving, slowly but it was m o v i n g. I looked over at the cars leaving the city. That was bad but I noticed something. It was moving too. At no point in time was it stopped. At this point I started praying that it would get worse and stop. It wasn't. Then there was a sign that said, "crash ahead be cautious." This was it, this was going to slow us down & make us arrive "late." It was a minor fender bender. I'm happy because it wasn't bad, I was sad because the cops were smart & didn't hold up traffic. We arrive at 6:10. Aw, shit. That's like 10mins earlier than I wanted to be. I drive slow to see if he's there hoping his plane landed early, he was out there & was just about to call. Nope. First lap around. Still nothing. Second lap around. Still nothing. Third lap around. Not there & my GPS turned itself off. Good, she was getting annoying any way. Haha The whole time I'm saying come on Cory, callllll. Queue the Gracie saying she's getting dizzy, it's not a tight circle, it's a long oval. Bailey saying can we get dad now mom. I come towards the baggage claim area. There's a line of cars parked there waiting before the actually pick-up area. I'm pulling in. I sat there for a good 15mins. I checked his flight. It was at the gate. While sitting there he calls. He JUST landed. I guess there was a delay he didn't know about because he fell asleep before take off. Nice one Cory. 5ish minutes I see a cop heading towards the front of the line waving his flashlight. Ahhhh, he's probably telling us we need to move on. I pull out & start making trip number 4 around to come back in. Half ways through Cory calls. He's outside. THANK GOODNESS! I pull up to get him, he jumps in. I looked at him & said, "I wanted you to drive." He's like we'll switch at the gas station. We start driving when I realized, no I don't want to switch. I tell him how to drive in town, I would be WORSE in the city. I'm a horrible passenger, I know it. Cory's not a bad driver. But I feel (and I think he does too) that I'm a better driver minus my lead foot & road rage. I use my horn, Minnesotans don't. I didn't want to stop. I wanted to drive to Mankato, get the kids McDonalds & go home. Gracie says she has to pee. I barely heard her. I yelled, "you can hold it, we're not that far." Bailey 20 mins later screams "I HAVE TO PEE." Omg, she's NEVER told us in the car that she had to pee. Next gas station we stop, Gracie & Cory pee. I go to get Bailey out. We were too late. She leaked. I changed her there & just took her jeans off. The van was hot. Fast forward. We get McDonald's, go home, get the kids inside, feed them & get them to bed. Even though it was a long evening I was happy & thankful. We made it to the cities, Cory made it to the airport & we made it home safely.

Oh, I forgot to add. The switching in the van that I did was I moved Julia to the very back on the passengers side, moved Gracie over to the drivers side & moved Liam up to the passengers side. Bailey stayed where she was. I asked if the kids liked it. I got 3 yeahs & a head shake from Julia. Alrighty then, the seats shall stay where they are!

Cory's at work, the kids are watching "Neckfix" as Bailey would say & I'm about to fold & put away some laundry.



"We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are." -Bill Watterson

I am thee WORST mother in the world! :(

Oy vey! It has been one, really. Long. Day. The kids didn't have school due to weather. It was nice. Kinda. My sister-in-law & her kids have been staying with us since Tuesday to babysit for me & vice versa. It just makes it easier. However, Liam is highly overwhelmed. He is a high functioning autistic with anger issues, ADHD, anxiety & is a sensory seeker. He got put on a different medication yesterday. I wasn't able to pick it up until today & by that time it was too late to give it to him. He has to take it in the morning. So we can't start it until tomorrow morning. He has been without something since the second. Once he went back to school the anxiety started to get worse. The more days he went the worse it got. We're at the point where there is too many people so he is lashing out, doesn't want people in his room or playing with his toys. He wants to be alone & then when he's fine he goes to play with the kids. But that only lasts for at most, 30 minutes. So I took him and Gracie to go run errands today. He needed to get out. We had so much fun. Got McDonalds, rushed everywhere we went (because the wind/cold sucked) & acted silly. We also went to my ENT appointment to go over the CT of my sinuses. My sinuses look good, no infections that he can see. My septum, which is deviated, is worse than he thought. It is really, really bad. I told him how I have a ton of sinus pressure, more on my right side. Like someone punched me in the face. He looked at the openings to the sinuses under my eyes. They're smaller than normal & the right side is even smaller than the left. Hence all the pressure. So widening the opening to my sinuses is now on the surgery list. My surgery went from 1.5 hours to 2.

Get home & all hell breaks lose. It started in the garage. I opened the back hatch of my van. Got the bags light stuff out & gave them to Gracie so I could take the heavy stuff. I told them to go in the house. I set the laundry detergent down. With the small bags of cat and dog food in my right arm I stood up on my tippy toes, grabbed the hatch with my left hand & brought it down as hard as I could so it would shut (and because I was only using one hand). Queue slow motion. Liam comes running from the side of the van & just as he stepped the door was already in motion. The corner got the side of his head, knocking him down. He hit the other side of his head off the bumper, went backwards & his winter hat flew off. The van door shut. I drop everything. Start checking his head, screaming for Gracie to get someone. Rush him inside. No blood. Thank God no blood. I get him an ice pack & told him to let me know if he gets a headache. I was shaking something terrible. I was sick to my stomach. I wanted to throw up. I felt horrible. I felt like the worst mom in the world. He has a nice sized goose egg. No headache & was up playing, running, lashing out- He was being Liam. I'm making him sleep in bed with Shadow (the dog) and I tonight. Just to be safe. I hope I get sleep.

Bailey's being a big brat lately. Ever since she went to preschool on Tuesday. It's like she thinks she's the queen bee or something. -_-

Oh yes. What good stuff did I hunt today? I got to spend time with my oldest two, just us. We had a very in-depth conversation & Gracie was crying happy tears. She's my emotional child. The one who's feelings get hurt very, very easily. Liam got a break that he needed. I finally found out the reason I've been having all this pressure in my sinuses. Liam isn't severely hurt & we didn't need to make a trip to the ER. I get to cuddle with my baby boy. The kids have a 2 hour delay tomorrow. Yes some would be like NOOOOO, I want them to go to school. I honestly hope they cancel school. Haha And Bailey, oh Bailey. She truly is my child :) Everyone survived to see another day. Last but not least, Cory comes home tomorrow. :)

Ok, sorry so long. It's been a hectic, emotional, day. Hope tomorrow is better.



Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow. -William Shakespeare 

Wore Out!

Good evening lady & gents!

It has been a superly cold day. Average with windchill was about -35. Without -3 to -6.

I am wore out! I've done nothing but running & cleaning. I had an appointment & after that I went grocery shopping. I made it back home in time to pee & relax before it was time to take Liam to his appointment. They were running a half hour behind. We should have been out at 3pm but didn't get out until 3:30pm. So much for running to get cat food real quick. I had to hurry up & leave in order to get to the school to pick Gracie up from Intro to Cheering that she is doing this year. I didn't even have time to stop and get Liam's new medication. I made it to the school with 3 minutes to spare. Come home load up the dishwasher. Heat up leftovers for supper. Don't judge, I'm trying to get all leftovers out of my fridge. More specifically the ham from Christmas. Yes, it is still good & oh so delicious. However, it seems to be never ending. My kids are sick of it. Anyone know where I can take already cooked ham? Anyone in the area need ham? Want ham? Anywho, after supper was more laundry, feeding them dessert that I made yesterday & have taunted them with until today. Muahahaha. Brushing teeth. Putting cranky butt Juju to bed. For those who don't know that is Julia's nickname Bailey gave her. She couldn't say Julia so she called her Juju. It's stuck & everyone calls her Juju. It honestly seems weird to say Julia in a conversation. She also responds better to Juju & knows the only time she gets called Julia Marie is when she's in trouble. Fast forward, put the other kids to bed & now I'm sitting here. I still have to switch over laundry & put away the clothes in my room. The kids I'll save for tomorrow.

On a POSITIVE note.... I was able to grocery shop without kids. It felt very weird. I was able to buy food to fill my kitchen. I can always go tomorrow to get his medication & cat food. I cleared out all leftovers minus the ham. N e v e r E n d i n g. Oh, and the chicken from last nights supper. I didn't want to share that plus there wasn't enough for everyone. My kids are sleeping peacefully in their rooms. And even though I have some things I want to do tonight...I can put them off until tomorrow :)

Stay warm.



Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. -Albert Einstein

A Few Days Late & A Few Dollars Short

Ok. So I know that's not the saying but I mean well. Yes I am a few days late so I have a lot to make up for. We didn't go to Walmart on New Years Day. My son started a new medication that morning. From about noon on he was having a very bad day. He was very irritable, mean, & everything was annoying him. Literally everything. It's like I was living with Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde. That day I kept reminding myself that it's a new medication, his body has to get used to it. The good stuff was that he was alive, we know what's going on, & we're just trying to find the right medication for him. Also that dad would be home in a few hours from work & I would be able to get a mental break.

January 2nd.
Medication administered in the morning. Crossing my fingers that today is not the same as the day before. It wasn't. It was the complete opposite. Liam was very anxious, he was worried about everything. Bailey was behind the couch (you can walk behind it) & he was worried about that. I got him in the tub to play since water calms him down. Big mistake! He went from anxious to hyper. He couldn't stop moving..his arms, his legs, his mouth. Just kept talking and talking and talking. When the hubs got home from work I tried to escape to the bathroom to give my ears a break. As I sit there playing games Liam opens the door to talk to me. What have I created?!?! The good stuff? He was happy. He wasn't angry or annoyed. He was playing with his sisters & having a good time. As I write this I cry because that is what our goal is for Liam. Minus the super hyperness.

January 3rd
It was actually a pretty good day. We all stayed home watching TV and being lazy. Until I ran to Walmart to pick up some things for Bailey's first day of preschool on Tuesday. Even though there was nothing negative I still found the positive. I was with family. We were healthy & happy.

January 4th
Another day of just doing close to nothing. I still had to cook do dishes. :( The weather started to really get cold so we had to pull out the dogs boots & hoodie again for when we take her outside. Found out about 8pm my husbands flight for tomorrow was canceled. The good stuff? My husband was able to get another flight to Chicago Monday evening. So he will be able to go Bailey & Julia's check up appointment with us. Since he was home we were able to go & get a new debt card ordered for him.

January 5th
We went to Walmart (yes I go there a lot, there is really no other place to go here lol) because I had to return a Lego creator that Liam got 2 of for Christmas. I also had to pick up some stuff to make a homemade detangler for Bailey. Her curly hair is always knotted in the morning. Went and got Cory's card ordered & faxed a letter over a discrepancy in my account. I was charged for something I should have never been charged for. Got McDonalds & went home. Soon after we got home Cory had to leave to go to the airport. We won't see him until Friday evening. Time for some goodies. The return line at Walmart was well, only one person in front of me that was 20 seconds from being done. We got everything we needed done at the bank quickly. We got McDonalds & the reason for Cory's leave is to finish his training for Dish. It's need so he has a job. And he made it to Chicago safely.

January 6th
Got the kids to school after a rush to get them all ready. Not use to getting three kids ready for school in the morning! Went grocery shopping with 3 helpers- Julia & the 2 kids I babysit. Other than that not much went on. Goodies- Bailey had a great first day of school. I got enough food for at least the week & I got to talk to Cory (he left his chargers here).

Today has started out on a bad foot. I'll save that for later since the day has just begun. Stay warm folks! It's -35 here with the windchill.

Happy New Year!

Good Morning & Happy New Year!

This year my new year's resolution isn't to lose weight, eat healthier, go to the gym, blah blah blah. That should be something you do without a resolution. Those things take self motivation & the will to want to change. If you don't have it, you won't do it. The idea is to keep it realistic. Something you KNOW you can do. So, mine is to hunt the good stuff.

Yes, that means 365 days of negative situations. Some days more than one. Face it, we all know that happens! Anyways, in each negative situation I will be hunting the good stuff. In other words, I will be finding the positive in each situation. No more negative thinking. Positive thinking leads to a healthier mind & body. It makes you happier. Happiness leads to many good things.

I have decided to share all mine. Now granted, my situations may not seem negative to you, to me they are. They may also be worse than one you had or extremely minor. We all have different struggles. I'm not doing this for pity. I'm doing this for myself but also to encourage everyone to hunt the good stuff. Smile more. Pay it forward some how. Open the door for someone. Tell a random stranger hi. If you live in my town, EVERYONE tells you hi & smiles. I love it! It starts with you and let me tell you, it is contagious!!!

I know it's early but I have one that carried over from yesterday. I went to get my hair trimmed. I told them not to touch my bangs as the were finally growing out. The trim would have made them the same length. SHE CUT MY BANGS! Not only that, my hair which was at an angle, is no longer at an angle. I cried, right there in the chair. The girl was new to cutting hair, I had no idea. I even told her going to the hair salon makes me more nervous than the dentist. After messing it up she went to get a more experienced stylist. She tried to fix it as best as she could. I cried some more. My hair is shorter than I wanted. Like I said, it is no longer at an angle, except for the back. Which makes it look weird because it angles then just goes to the same length. I can't put it behind my ears without looking like a boy. I got in the van, called Cory (my husband) and cried. I had to go pick up my son's prescription yet. My anxiety went through the roof. To make matters worse, I had forgotten to take my anxiety medicine this morning. I did NOT want to go out in public. I thought everyone was looking at me. Fast forward. I got home, found a way to pull my bangs back to make it look cute & was ok. Queue my negative situation this morning. I wake up, look in the mirror & want to cry. I still hate my hair. My anxiety starts over it so I hurry up & get my medicine in me (it didn't take it away but it lessened it).

Now to hunt the good stuff. It's just hair. It will grow back. I can speak to the salon manager & give corrective criticism. The girl is new, we all need to start some where. I can fix my hair to make it look cute. The lady who came to help thinned out my hair a lot. Which is something NO stylist has ever done no matter how much I beg. They are too afraid to do it. Mind you my hair is THICK. The stylist (the one who came to help) was even surprised at how thick it is. My hair is deceiving. lol Below is a picture of before & after my cut.

Before

After

Well, this is all for now. I'm sure I will have more throughout the day. I have to take my 4 kids to get some stuff from Walmart. That is always an adventure!